Today is a glorious day. A wondrous day! (Or at least a much better Wednesday than usual.) I can finally post my review of the snarkiest subscription box I’ve ever received!
It’s a box for your box, or as Bitchy Box calls it, an “Angry Vajayjay Survival Kit”.
I can hear you now, “Lisa, we’ve seen sub boxes for tampons and pads, what’s the big deal?”
Because friends, this is not a subscription for period products. It’s a subscription to send you cool stuff because once a month, every goddamn month, your body decides that it’s time to re-enact key scenes from Nightmare on Elm Street.
Two sisters started this company because they wanted to offer women “the opportunity to have something fun to look forward to every month. Developing the Bitchy Box brand also allows us to support local businesses and women run organizations within our own community by featuring local goods and customized items in our boxes. Bitchy Box was created to brighten any woman’s darkest week of the month and we guarantee you can think of at least one person who could benefit from the perks of a Bitchy Box.“
This box offers three pricing options:
3 Month Light Cycle: $66.00
6 Month Medium Cycle: $126.00
12 Month Heavy Cycle: $240.00
Currently, they don’t have 1 month subscriptions, so you’d need to opt for a 3 month at a minimum.
So once a month, along with blood and pain, we get some presents and support women run businesses.
You don’t have to ask me twice.
Our package arrives discreetly wrapped in brown paper:
We then unveil the cheeky Bitchy Box logo:
PMS & GPS Gum
(Estimated Retail: $4.99)
Verdict: Like
In the vein of fun, silly items, this is cute. I try to have a little tin of mints or gum in my bag for emergencies so this can just be a snarkier version.
Tasty Treat’s Bakerie’s Peanut Buttery Passion Brownie
(Estimated Retail: $???)
Replaced with:
Chocolove – Chocolate Almonds & Sea Salt Bar
(Estimated Retail: $1.70)
Verdict: Hit!
So my original box came with a Peanut Butter brownie, but Bitchy Box sent me an email as they were concerned with the quality control from this batch from Tasty Treat’s. They told me to discard the brownie and sent me a chocolate bar instead to replace the item. It came all fancy packed and was so delicious. This is the first box in a subscription, so I expect small hiccups. Bitchy Box took care of it asap and said that for regular subscribers they’d”add an additional goodie in their next box to supplement their dislike or product error in the previous box. If it was their last box in their subscription, I would proceed in sending them an additional goodie.” Works for me.
Zombie Sleep Mask
(Estimated Retail: $6.36)
Verdict: Sleep like the Undead?
I’m not big on sleep masks, but this if you’re going to use one, why not add some whimsy. Once I’m completely moved into my new house, I’ll have an hour long bus ride each way, so this might be fun to use for commuter naps and hopefully keep people from sitting next to me.
Fresh Rants Notebook
(Estimated Retail: $2.36)
Verdict: Like
I’m a writer, so hoarding of notebooks is sort of a thing with me. Notebooks and tote bags–I can never have enough.
Detroit Popcorn Caramel Apple Popcorn
(Estimated Retail: $???)
Verdict: Hit!
This item brought back some nice memories. When I was little, I remember going to the Mill Creek Mall and right next to the Caldor was a popcorn store that sold all different kinds of flavored popcorn in bright colors. Do they still have popcorn shops? God knows they barely have malls now and Caldor disappeared a lifetime ago. This popcorn was delicious and I ate the whole thing at once. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find this exact brand and flavor online so I wasn’t sure about the retail value.
Bitches Get Stuff Done Pouch
(Estimated Retail: $3.99)
Verdict: Love!
This is my favorite item in the box. I adore coin purses because I use them to hold my subway pass, bus money and my work ID. It keeps my scrambling to find stuff during my commute to a minimum. Plus, if my schedule is any indication, Bitches really do get shit done.
Soap for Queens by Whiskey River Soap Co.
(Estimated Retail: $8.95)
Verdict: Okay
This is another fun, kitchy item but I wasn’t crazy about the scent. Still, it’s both useful and funny so I’m sure other subscribers will enjoy it.
OVERALL
Verdict: Hit!
This was the first box in the Bitchy Box subscription, so I expected some hiccups as they find their flow (pun intended). What I really missed was a card detailing the products, but I believe we’ll get that in subsequent boxes. I liked the fun tone of the items, but I feel like maybe instead of 3 small kitchy items, maybe one bigger, cooler one. Like the Whiskey River Soap Co., makes funny scented candles as well. Instead of the gum, coin purse, eye mask and soap, we could get the candle version of the soap. I expected tasty treats and I wasn’t disappointed. I anticipate that we’ll see chocolate every month and I wholeheartedly approve. There is nothing the angry period Gods want more as a ritual sacrifice than chocolate.
I liked the simple clean packaging and I think this would make a really great gift for a like-minded friend. Personally, I think this is a perfect gift for a college girl – it’s like a snarkier care package.
I received this box for free to review it, but as part of a 3 month subscription, this would run you $22. Even excluding the popcorn, my estimated retail came out to $28.62, so our value was more than what we’d pay for it.
I just received my second Bitchy Box, so for a sneak peek of the contents, before my full blown review, follow me on Instagram.
THE BACKSTORY
“Bitchy Box Online is the home of angry vajayjay survival kits – a monthly subscription for when Mother Nature sucker punches you in the uterus. Filled with a variety of sweet treats, salty snacks and handpicked gifts, Bitchy Box conquers your cravings as you ride the crimson wave towards cramps of disaster. Subscription cycles range from light, medium, and heavy (3, 6, or 12 month) flows.”
Cost:
3 Month Light Cycle: $66.00
6 Month Medium Cycle: $126.00
12 Month Heavy Cycle: $240.00
Shipping: FREE shipping to the United States. Shipping is available to Canada, but shipping rates apply and can be seen at checkout.
Lisa Preziosi 