Bitchy Box: March 2017

In the manic Monday spirit, I thought today I’d review the snarkiest of all my subscription boxes:  Bitchy Box and their “Angry Vajayjay Survival Kit”.

This isn’t a typical period box with tampons and pads, it’s a box to distract you from how crappy you feel once a month.

This time our box came with a theme: “Murder in My Pants”.
And as 51% of the population knows this is #totallyaccurate.

The insert also featured recipes for O+ Blood punch and Redrum bars, which both sounded pretty delicious.

Now onto the Bitchiness!

Harebrained “Crime Scene” Period Panties

(Estimated Retail: $8.00)
Description: “Because let’s face it: sometimes your period looks like a crime scene, and the victim is your underwear.”
Verdict: Because no one’s period is blue
Practical and ridiculous – my favorite combination.  I couldn’t find this exact design on the website, so I just used the cheapest price of any of their period panty designs.  I have to tell you I’m particularly enamored with these RedRum briefs.

Goodwipes Cleansing Wipe for Down There

Description: “Because let’s face it: sometimes your period looks like a crime scene, and the victim is your underwear.”
(Estimated Retail: $6.99)
Verdict: Ever get that not so fresh feeling?
Let’s be real ladies, there is a time and a place where one of these wipes can be a godsend.  The box also included eleventybillion of them.  They aren’t fun, but definitely helpful.

Crime Scene Evidence: – Dark Chocolate Raspberry Jellies
Albanese World’s Best Gummies & Candies

(Estimated Retail: $5.25)
Verdict: Because chocolate has adverted many a disaster
Albanese has a lot to live up to when they call themselves the best gummies and they completely deliver. I’ve tried their regular gummies in another sub box and it caused me to order a giant bag of them.  Their chocolate is also amazing.  If you’ve got a sweet tooth you’ve got to try them.  I’m not sure how many came in the cute packaging, but I’m guestimating a ½ lb.

Yumbitz indulge Double chocolate Fudge Cookies

Description: “Mini cookies on a big mission”
(Estimated Retail: $???)
Verdict: Mission Impossible
I love cookies and chocolate and these sadly weren’t good.  So bland. I tossed most of the bag.  I couldn’t find these for sale so I’m not sure how to estimate the cost.  Maybe $2?


With my estimates on the chocolates and cookies, this box came out to around $22.24 and with the cost of this box being $22, that means you at least break even. Considering the shipping you’d pay for some of these items, that will put your value well above what you paid, so on that front we’re all good.  I thought the balance of practical and fun items in this box was great and that all the items made sense with the theme. The packaging keeps it fun and the new insert added some extra pizzazz (I just had a Jem & the Holograms flashback – the cartoon though, not the awful movie, but I digress).  My only suggestion was that there were two chocolate items as treats and perhaps one (the cookies, cough, cough) should have been something different.

I’ll be interested to see what other themes they come up with and how they try to make the inevitable awfulness of Aunt Flo into a welcome visitor.

Would you ever subscribe to a period box?
Why or why not?

Bitchy Box Online is the home of angry vajayjay survival kits – a monthly subscription for when Mother Nature sucker punches you in the uterus. Filled with a variety of sweet treats, salty snacks and handpicked gifts, Bitchy Box conquers your cravings as you ride the crimson wave towards cramps of disaster. Subscription cycles range from light, medium, and heavy (3, 6, or 12 month) flows.”

3 Month Light Cycle: $66.00
6 Month Medium Cycle: $126.00
12 Month Heavy Cycle: $240.00

Shipping: FREE shipping to the United States. Shipping is available to Canada, but shipping rates apply and can be seen at checkout.

Author: Writer Preziosi

Once upon a time, long, long ago, Lisa attended Syracuse University where she studied singing in a giant castle surrounded by ice and snow. After she earned her music degree, she headed to the island of Manhattan, down to the West Village, to a place called the New School. There, she earned another degree in the great art of writing stories for children. She currently works on that same island trying to help real people, while making up stories about imaginary ones. Her first book, “The Ice Maiden’s Tale,” a fairy tale adventure, was released on May 30, 2017 and is up for sale on Amazon.

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