It’s time again for some vintage fun with my Squarehue subscription. Each month we’ve been treated to a collection inspired by a decade and September brought us the most infamous decade in fashion: the 1980s. Moreso than any other time, 1980s had style overcast with whatfuckery. Hammer pants, giant shoulder pads, doorknocker earrings bigger than your face, neon prints, Cosby sweaters, giant Jersey girl hair, and we won’t even discuss what was considered “workout gear”. If there is such a thing as a crime of fashion, 80s workout clothes would be considered an act of terrorism.
Now Squarehue had managed to class up the 1970s, but could they do it for the 1980s? Was that even possible? I think we need a special judging scale for this one. How about we measure it in Urkels? One Urkel being like losing your swatch and Five Urkels being as good as a ride in a DeLorean with Michael J. Fox.
Vice 1984 (High Gloss Crème)
Description: Concrete Gray Creme
Verdict: 3 Urkels
““Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Doc. Ah… Are you telling me that you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?
“The way I see it, if you’re gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some *style?*”
The moment I saw this color I actually did think of a Miami Vice suit so Squarehue was right on with the shade fitting the decade. Am I the only one who also gets a DeLorean gray or Nintendo vibe from this? Anyone? Bueller? I’m not in love with the shade, but it’s a nice neutral, decade appropriate and definitely a more restrained choice from the possible options.
Sierra Sunset 1985 (High Gloss Shimmer)
Description: Dark Mauve Shimmer
Verdict: 4 Urkels
“His name is Blane? Oh! That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name! “
This shade should come with a sticker that says “Molly Ringwald Approved”. This color is on the sheer side (as are most shimmers) and builds to opacity. Less layers and it’s more like your grandma’s kitchen, more layers and you’re rocking it like Andie from Pretty in Pink (which would be a much better name for this polish).
Deep Space 1988 (High Gloss Shimmer)
Description: Blackened deep, deep burnt burgundy Glitter
Verdict: 2 Urkels
“Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”
I like the *description* of this shade more than the actual color. The burgundy doesn’t translate to me. It reads much more like the color of a tootsie roll, which doesn’t feel like space or like the 80s to me. This one was the most disappointing of the bunch, it was like having to go to detention on a weekend.
Verdict: 2 Urkels and John Cusack with a Boombox
“I am looking for a dare to be great situation.”
I think there was a lot of missed opportunities with this collection. I appreciate the *attempt* to bring sophistication to the 1980s, but that’s not where the 80s shine. I have to say I’m a little sad that we didn’t see some of that crazy 80s excess or some weird baby blue and pink glitter with a crazy neon topcoat. I’m also uber sad about the names of these polish. I wish they’d used some Pop Culture references, because what the 80s lacked in fashion it made up for in entertainment. I would have included a bottle inspired by 80s music, another by 80s movies and the last by fashion.
What colors would you expect in a 1980s themed Polish Box?
SquareHue has introduced a new subscription option called Box. No. 2. For 10.99 a month (per shipping) you can opt for a 2 polish box (instead of the regular 3). The regular 3 polish sub is now Box No. 3.
SquareHue is a monthly nail polish subscription box. SquareHue delivers a unique, curated collection of premium nail polish colors to its style aware members.
Box No. 3: $14.99 plus shipping for 3 polishes.
New Option! Box No. 2: $10.99 plus shipping for 2 polishes.
(Shipping is $5 for US destinations and $9 for Canada.)
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